I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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