she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
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He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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