You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
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you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize