So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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