guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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