i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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