we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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