Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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