she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
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I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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