Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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