So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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