My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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