so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
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i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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