Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
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well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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