I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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