There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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