I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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