he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
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Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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