Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
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I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
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When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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