i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
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I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
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This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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