i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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