i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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