I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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