My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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