Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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