Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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