he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize