You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
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I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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