normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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