I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize