I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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