I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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