Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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