My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize