I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is the high leading the old right now
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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