so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm at about main and main street
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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