ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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