you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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