we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
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I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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