Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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