it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Never joke about your clitoris.
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