"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize