I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
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