fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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