I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole a fireplace last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize