my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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