I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize