i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize