i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
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3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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