I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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